She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
