miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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