Where is the hickey?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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