hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
