oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
