I will die if light touches me.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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