I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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