Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
