Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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