Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
