Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
