I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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