Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
