Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
