We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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