Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
