please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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