I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize