So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
