dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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