Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
