I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
