why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize