Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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