Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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