this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
