I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
