Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
