Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
