so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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