hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
