I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
