I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
