Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
