In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
