Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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