I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
