Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
