Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize