It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
