I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
