420 ftw
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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