Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
