You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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