Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
