Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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