did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
