I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
