do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
