Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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