haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
