According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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