Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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