dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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