i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
