It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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