they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize