I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
