My nipple is on Facebook.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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