woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
