He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
