Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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