gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
