So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize