I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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