I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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