I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
