His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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