he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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