If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I am naked and annoyed.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
