i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
