So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
