dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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