i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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