i think my tv is drunk
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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