we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
