but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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