We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
