I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
