Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
