Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
