He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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