oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
