They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
