I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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