maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
