i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
