So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
