i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
worst night to have a conscience
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
